Taking Weekend Tennis Seriously

Most of these annoyances weren’t pointed out by my doubles partners, but they don’t have to say anything to me.  Their death stares and silence speak volumes. 

You’ll see…

10. I do certain things when I’m losing.  I whistle.  I cannot actually whistle.  I also sing out loud.  I’m not a good singer.  I know a limited number of songs and an even more limited number of words for each song so playing with me is like playing with a broken record player.  That also whistles.

Sometimes, I’ll ask for jokes.  Usually, my partner does not have jokes and tells me to shush.  They tend to want to do this thing when we’re losing…it’s called…concentrating?  Concentrating for them does not involve singing, telling me their life stories, or delivering jokes.  How odd of them.

9. I don’t volley well.  Volleys for the tennis-challenged are shots hit out of the air and generally take place near the net.  They require hand-eye coordination, precise timing, and quick reaction time.  I do not possess any of these qualities.

8. I don’t put volleys away.  Now sometimes in the course of a match, the opposing team will float a ball up to me when I’m at the net and I have no choice but to hit it.  And I actually do.  It even goes over the net and into the court.  However, my shot is so meek that the opposing players have no choice themselves but to hit the ball back over and the point continues.  Generally, my team will lose this point because I suck.

7. To compensate for my poor volley skills, I’ll go for more volleys.  These volleys are generally out of my range.  Huh, when you type it out, it sounds perfectly logical.

6. I will hit the deck.  All of the above volley points assume that I actually try to hit the ball.  Which means I was upright and had my racquet out (I would say “out in front” but let’s not kid ourselves here).  Good things generally happen when you try and just stick out your racquet.  However, when I see the ball whizzing right at me, my first instinct is to duck.  I am very good at ducking.

5. I make a conscious effort to not keep the ball in play with my groundstrokes.  Okay, so it’s not exactly a “conscious effort,” but it might as well be.  To compensate for my lack of a net game, I’ll try to hit overpowering shots from the baseline and win points with one sweep of my forehand.  That sweep sails out of the court 9 times out of 10.

4. Then I’ll try to hit overpowering groundstrokes at the net player.  Said net player is all like, “B—h, please.  Your groundstrokes aren’t overpowering” and swats them easily at my helpless partner who is all like, “YEAH, what she said!”  But with cuss words involved.  However, we’re going to keep it clean as this is a family-friendly site.

Really?  This is a family-friendly site?  Because you know how much 10-year-olds understand sarcasm.  It’s their favorite kind of humor!

3. I set up my partner…to be a sitting duck.  One of my best assets in doubles is my lob.  However, that’s if I’m set up properly, not under any stress, and had planned way ahead of time that I would be lobbing.  When none of these characteristics are in play (hee), my lobs tend to be right in the wheelhouse of the opposing net player’s overhead smashing strike zone.  This perfect setup gets creamed right at my doubles partner.

2. I don’t always call balls out.  Look, man, the ball is going really fast.  And I’m standing too close to see the ball properly (because, you know, I’m playing on the court and everything?).  It’s a freaking blur!  Blurs = In.

1. I fall short of expectations.  I have a reputation as a good singles player.  This reputation comes about only because I actually play singles.  When you do something that 90% of the population doesn’t do, you’re automatically better at it than they are.  Because I’m generally a better singles player than my doubles partners, they will think this sort of “prestige” will carry over into the doubles match.  Um, yeah, that’s not how it works, m’kay…

What do you do that annoys your doubles partners?  What do your doubles partners do that annoy you?  Have you experienced or perform any of these annoyances?  Comment away!