Taking Weekend Tennis Seriously

Captaining is going well. Thanks for asking. I’m learning a lot. Every week, every day, every match, and every player is a learning experience.

I hate learning.

So technically one both of my teams is are in the hunt for 2^nd in our respective flights – we need help from the other teams though – and placing 2^nd means we’d advance to the play-in tournament for play-offs. I’ve told one of my teams* that if they don’t get on board with Project Win Out, I’m going to draw names out of a hat for every line and every partnership for the rest of the team matches. This means players could:

a)      be placed at singles, which more than half of them won’t acknowledge as a sanctioned type of tennis match.

Or,

b)      be placed with someone they don’t want to play with. Like me. They could be forced to play with me. And not only will they have the displeasure of playing with me, I will make them play the side they don’t prefer (Oh my goodness is side preference in weekend warrior tennis doubles a big deal…you don’t want to know what I think about this “big deal”).

Side-note: if you are ever forced to play with your captain, the correct response is always: “YAAAYYYY!!!!”

And not: “Um, I think you should play singles this week.”

*As for the other team…sigh. I don’t want to talk about that other team that conceded its stranglehold on 2^nd place by losing to the last place team this past weekend. We gave that team its first win. I mean…really, team? Really?

Naturally, the moment I threaten my team with putting in random people at singles, two of my players come out of the woodwork to tell me that they can and are willing to play that mutant form of tennis. Face palm. First of all: Seriously? You tell me this now when the season’s just about over? Secondly: These two people just happen to be my two best doubles players. Having the option to put them in at singles wouldn’t have helped matters. Sigh. Captaining.

Probably the biggest hole on my team is singles so I will say it’s nice that those two are such team players that they’ll voluntarily play that line. It shouldn’t come to that though. I have people who are supposed to be the singles players but who just want to play doubles. Those selfish people don’t understand the concept of team tennis. Everyone has a role on this team and whether they like it or not, theirs is to play singles. I would kick them off the team except…it’s me. Like the first act of a superhero movie, I’ve been trying to ignore my superpowers and live a normal recreational tennis life and play doubles exclusively.

Did I just compare myself to a superhero? Whhhaaattt?

Look. I love doubles. That might seem odd since I’ve written extensively about my frustrations with doubles, but that’s just it. I love being frustrated!

Explains a lot, huh?

Although, I am starting to wonder if I love the concept and romanticism of doubles rather than the actual playing of doubles with an actual partner and all that…

But it’ll be alright. I know what I have to do for the good of the team. I just have to get better at doubles! And then there’s no way I’ll be shunted off to singles to die a slow and painful death because I’m needed too badly for doubles!

What? Is that…is that not the lesson in all this? Is the superhero instead supposed to return in the second half of the movie to save the city – nay, world – while fully embracing her responsibilities and superpowers?

Ignoring my supposed true destiny is good though. Because even though I’m generally the branded singles players on my USTA teams, not everyone thinks I can actually play singles. Clearly, it’s not really my true destiny then. I told someone I had lost last year in three sets to the singles players on the upcoming opponent’s roster. Her response: “Huh, seems like they’ve got you figured out.”

Ow. I kinda thought losing in three sets instead of straight sets meant I could have won the match and that after a year of improving, I just might have avenged my loss if given another shot…

That same person is also always surprised any time I do anything well in doubles. Because you know. I’m a singles player. I should suck at doubles.

Basically, she doesn’t think I’m good at tennis. Singles or doubles. Sigh. I’m not saying that’s not necessarily true, I’m just saying, “Why you gotta be so harsh for?”

Superheroes have feelings, too, ya know.

Speaking of Batman – which I did in no way – I’ve got to stop letting the insane inmates run Arkham Tennis Asylum. I will no longer ask players for permission to put them at whatever line with whomever partner.

Ask someone if they’ll be a team player, and the answer is always yes. Ask someone if they’ll play with this person who may be more of a sidekick rather than an equal or even superior superhero, and the answer is generally no.

Anything you want, Captain! Just not that.

I suddenly wish I had an indestructible, boomerang-like shield that I could wield about…

Half my team tells me I’m doing a good job. Uh-huh. Clearly. That’s why we’re currently out of 2^nd place and hoping for a miracle to still be playing in July.

The other half will obviously be jumping ship the moment the season’s over.

I really did have a player compare our team to a sinking ship.

Sigh.

*Cue swelling music, empathetic finger pointing, and emotional vocal delivery*

Listen up, team! We DO have a chance. We just need to execute Project Win Out, which we ARE capable of doing. Then that team needs to lose to this team; the team over yonder needs to win the rest of its matches; and everyone else needs to lose…

We totally have a chance!

Weekend warrior tennis teammates, assemble!!

~ Christy Vutam