Taking Weekend Tennis Seriously

• The Real Housewives of Tennis: this delightful blog post about the weekend tennis scene in Nashville and its effect on unsuspecting domestic engineers and 401K-compensated women proves it’s not all just in my head. However, I am unclear on the whole “lunch that the other team brings” bit. What’s this about lunch being provided? And here I am getting all giddy when my team plays at country clubs that have complimentary Goldfish…
• Wouldn’t it be awesome if we had a Take Your Dog to Tennis Day? An actual thought I had when I brought my dog to a match I was playing. What a silly idea, right? Tennis balls flying everywhere and people running around willy-nilly: yeah, there is no way most dogs would sit nicely during all this delicious movement. Had there been other dogs at the tennis facility in honor of Take Your Dog to Tennis Day, my dog would have barked incessantly instead of being bored out of her mind.
• If your dog was watching you play tennis, do you think he/she would say, “Wow, she never moves that fast in real life” or “Yup, that dawdling looks about right”?

• Doubles is so silly. Every other point changes how I think I should be playing. I get passed down the line on a service return, and I’ll berate myself for not covering the alley. A ball hit through the middle passes two inches away from me when I’m at the net as I’m covering my alley, and I’ll berate myself for not looking to poach. A ball is lobbed over my team that neither my partner nor I get to, and I’ll berate myself for not staying back. A ball is hit short on my side that I’m not able to reach from my entrenched position on the baseline to cover lobs, and I’ll berate myself for not coming in sooner. Just silly.

…man, I don’t seem to read the ball too good or move very well, huh?

• It is not a good thing if you have somehow alienated at least half your teammates on your doubles-only (non-mixed, smart alec) team. Each player you clash with either on the court or off is one less opportunity for you to play. And no, you don’t get to play every time you’re available. Newsflash. So then the question is: would you rather sit out and not get to play so much or play a lot but sometimes with people you don’t enjoy playing with?

The answer is you should probably find a new team to play for.

There’s a good chance you’ll end up not being able to play with half the players on that new team, too, by the way. You should think about that and what that says about you.

Although, I am working on a theory that there are so many teams (at least that’s the case in my city and the surrounding areas) and so many new players coming in every season that people could possibly team-hop every other year for the rest of their lives and not run out of oblivious teams who’ll harbor them.

Or, you could captain your own team. Problem solved. 🙂

• I think the real purpose for this blog is to document all the times I cramp up in a tennis match. So let’s see…twice last year. Twice so far this year. I still think it’s an overly stressed mind thing. Maybe I should try meditation during changeovers…
• Sometimes when I’m driving and I’m waiting to turn, I’ll take too long in calculating the road conditions and miss my chance to cross safely. And I’ll think to myself: yup, that’s why you’re not good at poaching in doubles.
• When I’m setting up practice matches for my team, I’m always hesitant to ask a Grand Wizard to fill in as the fourth. I know she’s silently assessing everyone – good players she may have never met before until now thanks to me – and making mental notes for future teams. Alas, I need a warm body and she is super good so it would be great practice for my players, but…sigh. It makes me squeamish.
• By the way, Grand Wizard is the theme I went with so as to not make the post too dark. Other titles for those captains that rule our local tennis scene I thought about using: Godfather, mob boss, overlord…
• Every time I look at my highly tanned skin, I say to myself, “You are definitely getting skin cancer.” Whoo, ten-nissss!!
• I recently played with someone I’ve put in the running for Nicest Doubles Partner Ever. So positive, so encouraging. She kept gushing over how much better my volleys were despite the numerous times I plunked those stupid things into the net. It’s kinda like when you lose a lot of weight and people can’t stop telling you how great you look now. Here’s a piece of advice: don’t think about how absolutely horrible you must have looked before and just warmly receive the compliments.
• Sometimes I’ll forget myself and I’ll ask my players if it’s cool if we play doubles together this season. Like, how the heck are they supposed to answer that, Christy? Not truthfully, that’s for darn sure.
• I complimented a guy for how great his backhand volley was, especially after just playing for 6-8 weeks, while I’ve been trying to nail down what I like to call the most impossible shot in all of sports for the past several, several months. He said, “Well, I’ve probably taken more private lessons than most people do in their lifetime.”

…

A simple thank you would have sufficed, buddy. Here’s a tip for you, guy: you’ll generally need to hit a serve and/or a groundstroke before you’ll be in position to execute that just awesome backhand volley of yours. Try working on those, too, jack.

• It’s fun when new players join my team, and they’re like, “Wow, she really does carry around a clipboard.”

Followed in the thought bubble by: “…um…so…is it too late to change teams and escape, or…?”

Wait, I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned on this blog that I bring a clipboard when I’m captaining. Listen, it’s not a big deal, ok? Some captains use folders or binders. I just need something to write the line-up on, that’s all.

Now a bullhorn, on the other hand, would be pretty cool to lug around… I’m kidding! Totally kidding. If I thought I could actually get away with using a bullhorn at a tennis facility…

• YOU are a better tennis player than you think you are. I just thought you should know that.

This week is the start for all the main leagues in my city. If I don’t talk to you before then, best of luck!

~ Christy Vutam