Taking Weekend Tennis Seriously

You are never going to believe this…

So remember when I laughed and laughed at the end of the last post like I had everything figured out and I said I was going to captain again? Remember that? Remember how haughtily and cavalier I was about captaining like it wasn’t the most stressful, frustrating, and aggravating thing I’ve taken on since I gave up party planning for my tennis teams?

Remember how I gave up party planning for my tennis teams because it was so stressful, frustrating, and aggravating?

Well, the tennis gods read my last post – they’re totally subscribers – and they said to themselves, “We’re going to jog that silly person’s memory about how much fun captaining really is. Let’s challenge this whole ‘next time’ big talk of hers.”

Because guess what? My USTA Thursday team is going to the Qualifying Tournament after all.

Unbelievable.

So this season amongst the seven Thursday and Saturday flights, the top two 3^rd place teams along with all the 2^nd place teams move on to QT (all the first place teams and the winner of QT go to the City Championship). I never once entertained the idea that my team was in the running for one of the best 3^rd place spots. When my team lost its last match and we knew we had placed third in our flight, my players asked me if we had a chance to keep playing despite our soul-shattering loss that day. In my shell-shocked state while rocking back and forth with my eyes closed, knees up to my chest, and my head in my hands, I just laughed manically in their faces. Not with our 4-3 record we didn’t.

I was wrong: my 4-3 team (winning percentage of 57%) is advancing over a 6-2 team (75%) because my team won 23 out of 35 lines (66%) while the other team won 26 out of 40 individual matches (65%). Notice how the other team – a Saturday team – played eight team matches while mine – a Thursday team – played seven. Because of this discrepancy, the powers that be had to come up with a formula to calculate the 3^rd place team rankings, and what they used just happened to benefit my team.

Insanity is happening all around me.

I’ve run through the gamut of emotions about my Thursday team over the last two weeks (heck, this entire season). I finally found myself at peace (maybe. Let’s go with it). And this happens. After freaking out happily for all of five minutes when I realized my team was suddenly advancing, reality set in. Dang it. I’m captaining again.

So let me get this straight, people. It is hard enough to field a strong team even when everyone knows what the one day out of the week our matches are played on. It’s the same day every week. Just don’t do anything that morning of that day. Maybe keep clear of early afternoon things, too. But no. That is too much to ask of people. They keep insisting on having this thing…it’s…it’s called…a life?

Aside: if you are planning your family’s vacation for the year in, say, January, and you don’t want to miss out on, say, play-offs, but you don’t know when play-offs will be and technology is really hard and what-do-you-mean-my-local-USTA-branch-has-a-website-with-just-this-information-listed, contact me. Please. I’m here for you.

But now I’m expected to field a competitive team for all the marbles when we play four matches over a span of three days. AND, one of the matches is at night. AND, two of them are in the same day. AND WE’RE PLAYING IN JULY.

To paraphrase Krissy Chula: I am not a dang toucan. (Not safe for work or kids)

How is it that we play a two-month long regular season that starts in May where we play one match a week that generally starts mid-mornings and if we should dominate said season – or go 4-3…I mean, clearly the same thing – then we’re rewarded by playing this suddenly-inflicted-upon-us tournament style in the middle of the blasted summer? With one night match at a facility with awful lighting. HOW.

I’m just messing with everyone. The shock still hasn’t worn off, yet, and this is how it’s being manifested. You know, like making jokes when something serious is happening as a defense mechanism. Totally no truth in what I’m saying at all (maybe a little. Let’s go with it.) So glad we made it in. Like a stork softly dropping babies into unsuspecting people’s homes, this is quite the pleasant surprise.

Dumbo is a really weird, disturbing, and sad movie when watching it again as an adult.

More shock talk: this weekend I was all ready to sit back with my big, floppy sun hat, sip my dainty drink with the little umbrella in it, and enjoy all my fellow overweight and under-hydrated tennis friends flitting about like ants throughout tennis facilities and having to play a lot of stressful tennis in hundred degree weather. Now I’m going to be one of them. And I’ll not be enjoying any dainty drink with the little umbrella. Instead, I’m having to chow down chia seeds. And coconut water.

Did you know they make chocolate flavored coconut water?

Also, one of my teammates told me I needed to up my potassium and calcium intake because of my cramping issues. My response: “So milk and bananas. Got it. Hmm, banana sundaes!”

Alrighty, I need to let you go. I gotta go not look up the five year playing history of each player on the four teams in my play-off flight. I will instead be taking this silly, little tennis thing not so seriously and just have fun with the fact that my team unexpectedly squeaked into the play-offs so we’re basically playing with house money and we should all just enjoy being able to play tennis at all and la la la. Do a deer, a female deer. Ray, a drop of golden suuuuunnnnn…

~ Christy Vutam