Taking Weekend Tennis Seriously

• There’s nothing like taking a private tennis lesson to humble the rice pudding out of you.
• I very rarely leave a tennis lesson or a drill pleased with my game. I’m totally the Tim Tebow of weekend tennis. I’m awful in practice yet I inexplicably have won in match play (#WhosCarryingMeThisTime). I’m convinced more than ever that I’m rated as I am simply because I’m more athletic than most people who play recreational tennis are. I’m clearly doing tennis wrong. My coaches and I are still stuck on how to hit groundstrokes. And what the right grip is. Ugh, my grip. There’s a mark on my racquet grip that corresponds with a mark on my fist so I know how I’m supposed to hold my racquet. If you watch me closely while I’m playing a match, sometimes you’ll see me glance down at my racquet in mid rally to see if the marks match up.

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Half of house/pet sitting is pleading with dogs to go to the bathroom when it’s raining/wet outside.

As I predicted, my coach cancelled that next night’s lesson because it was too cold. Eye roll.

I’ve recently started private lessons with a second tennis coach while I’m still taking from my original teaching pro whom I’ve been with for about a year. That was a mistake. You know for two people who don’t know the other one exists – they work at different facilities, and one is new to town – they sure have loud arguments with each other. In my head.

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Tennis is hard.

Tennis is so flippity hard.

Nearly every time I play tennis, I’m rudely awoken by a shot I’ve never seen before. Wait, that exists? You can do that with the ball? I’m still trying to learn how to hit a groundstroke that’ll go over the net and into the court. Hopefully, deep. That’s where I’m at. That’s where I’ve been at for the last few years. And now you’re telling me you can hit the ball like that and it’ll land like this and then…spin in a circle and shoot straight up into the air never to be seen again??

Mind. Blown.

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• A tennis class of adult beginners is learning how to hit forehands on the adjacent court. Every other word out of the teaching pro is “Excellent!”, “Good!”, or “That was beautiful!” I’m having to duck as the class’s balls come raining down on my side of the fence. If the teaching pro’s goal was to drum up more business for herself, then she’s doing a stupendous job because if she thinks that was beautiful, then I can’t wait to hear what she has to say about my shots. Mine actually go over the net now. On the same court even. I would definitely pay to have a teaching pro tell me how awesome my strokes are for once.

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Tennis coaches are horrible, wretched, twisted beings who are out to ruin our tennis games. Save your money; it’s all a scam. Stay away from them, people!

Ahem.

It’s been nearly two weeks since I sympathized with the plights of tennis teaching pros and having to deal with us and all. But two weeks ago, I had a second serve (you know, that very important stroke that starts nearly every tennis point…think about it…). And now I double fault all the time. I go to my teaching pro to get better, and he ruins my second serve and basically my entire ability to play competitively. Outstanding.

After being much maligned and criticized, what was a passable second serve doesn’t exist anymore. I can’t even hit the ball the way I used to. Now my second serves don’t go in, and I’m practically spotting my opponents all of my service games. I have better luck attempting my first serve again, which isn’t the worst idea in the world, actually. The worst idea would be your outfit.

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In the latest in my series of Titles/Positions I Could Never Hold, I’m adding Tennis Instructor to the list (and not just because I’m not a good enough tennis player to do it). I think it’s a pretty neat job, honestly. Getting to be outside. Getting to be active. Time probably goes by quicker for them than time does for me as I stare glassy eyed at my computer screen by hour three of the work day. Getting to help people.

What a noble thing that is: Helping people. Teaching people. Making people better. What a terrific concept.

And therein lies the rub. Teaching people is a terrific concept…until you add in the actual, you know, people to the mix.

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